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Multitude of great quotes
* I won't dignify that with an answer. ~Homer Simpson
* I seem to have misplaced my pants. ~Homer
* Your
growing insanity is starting to worry me. ~Marge to Homer
* Marge! We're going out! If we don't come back, avenge
our deaths! ~Homer
* "Why do we need church shoes? Jesus wore sandals." ~Bart
"Well, maybe they
wouldn't have caught him if he had better arch support." ~Homer
* Everyone's marriage is falling apart but ours.
The problem is communication...Too much communication. ~Homer to Marge
* "Ok, last question: Who is your favorite
Backstreet Boy?" ~Homer
"Oh, the little rat-faced one." ~Lenny
"No, no, no, Nick! He's so good
to his mother." ~Carl
"According to this, you're both idiots." ~Homer, the "Quiz Master"
* Hey, Yutz! Guns aren't toys! They're for family protection, hunting dangerous or delicious animals and keeping the king
of England outta your face! ~Krusty
* Trying is the first step towards failure! ~Homer
* "People like
dogs, sir!" ~Smithers
"Nonsense! Dogs are idiots! What would you say if I came into your house and started
sniffing your crotch and slobbering all over your face?" ~Burns
"If you did it sir?" ~Smithers
*
Me fail English? That's un-possible! ~Ralph
* Here's to alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of lifes problems!
~Homer
* "Ya know....one of these days us honest citizens will stand up to you crooked cops!" ~Homer
"Oh
my gosh....have they set a date?" ~Wiggum
* Make like my pants and split! ~Comic Book Guy
* "So
where were we?" ~Homer
"You were talking about the time you beat jury duty!" ~Bart
"Yeah...the
trick is to tell them you're prejudice against all races!" ~Homer
* "It doesn't matter what his name is....a
rose by any other name would smell just as sweet!" ~Marge
"Not if we called him Stench Blossoms." ~Bart
* STEALING? How could you? Didn't you learn anything from that guy who gives those lessons at chuch? Captian what's
his name! We live in a society of laws....What do you think I took in all those police academy movies for? For fun? WELL,
I DIDN'T HEAR ANYBODY LAUGHING! Did you? Except that guy who made the sound effects. Blip-Blip! Wooo! Bluuuuuuuurrrb! Eee-oo!
Eee-oo! Where was I? Oh yeah...Stay outta my booze! ~Homer, yelling at Bart for stealing
* "You make me sick,
Homer. You're the one who told me I can do anything I want if I just put my mind to it!" ~Bart
"Well, now
that you're a little bit older I can tell you that is a crock! No matter how good you are at something, there's about a million
people better
than you!" ~Homer
"Got'cha...Can't win, don't try!" ~Bart
* Homer: [thinks]
Don't tell him you were at a bar! Gasp! But what else is open at night? [aloud] It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.
[thinks] Heh heh heh. I would'a never thought of that.
* I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there,
save me, Superman! ~Homer
* Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be
determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. ~Homer
* I saw this in a movie
about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think
it was called, The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down. ~Homer
* "Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show
up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday." ~Marge
"Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!" ~Homer
*
"Dad, as you know, we've been swimming, and we've developed a taste for it. We both agree that getting our own pool is
the only way to go. Now before you respond, you must understand that your refusal would result in months and months of..."
~Lisa
"Can we have a pool Dad? Can we have a pool Dad? Can we have a pool Dad? Can we have a pool Dad? Can we have
a pool Dad?" ~Bart and Lisa
"Can we..." ~Bart
"I understand. Let us celebrate our new arrangement
with the adding of chocolate to milk." ~Homer
* "Don't worry kids your father is going to be just fine...
alright everyone put on your corpse handling gloves, we've got two dead bodies buried somewhere on the this mountain."
~Ranger
"Hear that Lis'? Dad's going to be just fine!" ~Bart
* "Homer there's a man here who thinks
he can help you!" ~Marge
"Batman?" ~Homer
"No he's a scientist." ~Marge
"Batman's
a scientist." ~Homer
"He's not Batman!" ~Marge
* "Have you noticed something about Bart?"
~Marge
"New glasses?" ~Homer
"No. It seems like something could be troubling him." ~Marge
"Probably
misses his old glasses." ~Homer
"I want to get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of
smothering him." ~Marge
"Yeah, and then we'd get the chair." ~Homer
"That's not what I meant."
~Marge
"Admit it Marge, it was." ~Homer
* "Kids, Kids! I'm not gonna die! That only happens to
bad people!" ~Homer
"What about Abraham Lincoln?" ~Bart
"Err...He sold poisoned milk to school
children." ~Homer
"Homer!" ~Marge
"Hey, I'm just trying to make it easier on them." ~Homer
* "Well, it was a long trip, but we're almost there." ~Homer
"Homer, did you remember to lock
the front door of the house?" ~Marge
"D'oh!" ~Homer
(Next Day)
"Well, its been two long trips
but we're finally almost there again." ~Homer
"Homer, when you locked the front door did you remember to lock
the back door?" ~Marge
"D'oh! D'oh!" ~Homer
(Next Day)
"[Gasp] Oh No! We left Grampa back
at the gas station!
(Silence)
What about Grampa?" ~Lisa
* "We don't have to be adversaries Homer,
we both want a fair union contract..." ~Burns
"Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?" ~Homer's Brain
"...and
if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours..." ~Burns
"Wait a minute, is he coming onto me?" ~Homer's Brain
"I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?" ~Burns
"Oh my God! He IS coming
onto me!" ~Homer's Brain
"After all, negotiations make strange bed-fellows." ~Burns
(Screams) ~Homer's
Brain
"Sorry Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little
curious, but the answer is no!" ~Homer
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