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Fun Things to Do on a Boring Day:
1. The next time you call somebody and get nothing but an answering machine, leave
the following message after the beep: "Hi, I just called to leave a message. Bye."
2. Mail a piece of
blank paper to somebody. Or just mail out an empty envelope. I don't know why you'd want to do this, but heck, do it anyway.
3. The next time you write a check, ask to make it for ten over. But you don't make it for $10 over - you make
it for ten cents over.
4. Dial a wrong number and ask for only a first name. When the person on the other end says
you have the wrong number, ask what the right one is.
5. Write a hate letter that ends with "From your next
door neighbor." Put the letter in the mailbox of a person who lives pretty far away.
6. Dial the number of
any store and ask when they close and how long they're closed.
7. While walking down the street, go up to a stranger
and greet him as if he was a friend you haven't seen in years. Example: "Joe, man, Joe, how've ya been? I haven't seen
you in a long time, buddy!"
8. When the phone rings, pick it up and ask for somebody.
9. Hold open
an automatic door for somebody.
10. Order a pizza and have it delivered to someone else's house.
11. Go
to the grocery store and buy some groceries. After the checker's done ringing them up, say you forgot your money and you
have to go to your car to get it. But really, you just go home.
12. Rewind both sides of a casette tape.
13.
Go out, find a dirty dar, and finger-write the words "Wash Me" all over it.
14. Go to a grocery store and
sneak items into somebody's shopping cart. For more fun, sneak in embarrassing items like condoms, tampons or whatever.
Use your imagination.
15. Find a postcard of the city you live in, and write on it "Wish you were here."
Send the postcard to someone who lives in the same city.
16. Get a job application and fill it out with false information.
17. Call somebody and ask for Jerry. When the person says you have the wrong number, hang up. Call again and ask
for Jerry. When the person says you hve the wrong number again, hang up. Five minutes later, with a disguised voice, call
again and say "Hi, this is Jerry. Has anyone called for me lately?"
18. Go to the grocery store and switch
around a few price tags. Some shopper will be surprised to see that a gallon of milk costs 50 cents now and a candy bar is
$3.49.
19. Go to a public place and glue a coin to the floor. Wait to watch somebody try to pick it up.
20.
Take a camcorder to a funeral. Ask people to smile.
21. The next time you go to the grocery store and an employee
asks if you want to try a doughnut sample or a cheese sample or whatever, just say "yes" and walk away.
22.
Enter a room full of people and then ask them all to leave because you need a moment to yourself.
23. When you're
walking down the street and you cross somebody, stop and ask him, "Now exactly where do you think you're going?!"
24. The next time you answer a phone call, identify yourself as a radio station. Tell the caller that he's caller
#9 and he has won something.
25. Tell a female, while rubbing your chin, that "she needs to shave."
26. Call a fast food restaurant and ask them if they deliver.
27. Prepare a long telephone survey about a ridiculous
topic: bottlecaps, keychains, whatever. Call somebody with the survey and see how they react. Example: "Hello, sir,
I'm from the American Bottlecap Corporation and I'd like to take an hour of your time to ask you questions about bottlecaps..."
28. Schedule as many no-show medical appointments as you can.
29. Watch TV with the sound muted and make
up dialogue for the characters.
30. Eat at a fast food restaurant and leave a tip when you're finished.
31.
The next time you're in a toilet stall in a rest room, lock the stall from the inside and crawl out.
32. When you
see the bus coming, stick out your thumb as if you were hitchhiking.
33. The next time somebody calls you and asks
for someone who doesn't live at your house, don't say "YOu have the wrong number." Instead, play along and say
that the person actually lives here.
34. Go to any store and ask for a refund. When they ask what for, just say
"nothing." Just ask for a refund...simple as that.
35. Get on an elevator full of people and push all the
number buttons so the elevator stops at every floor.
36. Go up to two people who have the same name. Call their
name and when they both look over, say "Just checking."
37. During the summer, go out and take a walk wearing
a winter coat, just to see what kind of reactions you get.
38. Barge into any room with a closed door and yell "How's
it goin'?"
39. Give play money to a charity collector. Or give them a soda can tab instead of some change.
40. Go up to a soda machine when there's no on in the area. Put in your money and don't get any soda until someone
walks in. He'll think you got it free.
41. Ask a bus driver if he's seen the movie "Speed."
42.
In your living room, hang up pictures of people you don't know.
43. Go to a pet shop and feed the animals something
you brought from home. Example: feed sugar or salt to the fish, bacon bits to the birds, and croissants to the dogs. Animals
crackers will work too.
44. Keep yelling to a guy with a sore throat to repeat what he just said.
45. Cash
a check worth less than a dollar.
50 Fun Things to do in an Elevator
1. Make race car noises when people get on and off.
2. Blow your nose
and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead
and muttering "Shut up, dammit, all of you just SHUT UP!!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of 'It's a
Small World' incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural
frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask,
"Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at
your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean
over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a 'Wet Willy'?"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator
with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."
14. One word: Flatulence.
15. On the
highest floor, hold the door open and demand it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink"
at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while and then
announce, "I've got new socks on!"
18. When at least eight people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh,
not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta
go," then sigh and say, "Oops!"
23. Show the other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.
25. Holler, "Chutes
away!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner
of the elevator.
28. Burp, then say "Mmmm...tasty."
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30.
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers
"through" it.
32. Start a sing-a-long.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is
that your beeper?"
34. Play the accordion.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say "Ding!" at each
floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push
ALL the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the
floor and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
43. Blow
spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice, "I
must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion
noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting bigger."
50. If anyone brushes against you,
recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!"
Fun Things to do in a Public Restroom
1. Melt chocolate in your hand, reach under the stall and ask your neighbor
if you can borrow some toilet paper.
2. Say "Wow! I've never seen that color before!"
3. Moan
painfully and obnoxiously and then drop a large orange into the toilet.
4. Pour water into the toilet and blame it
on the burrito that you had at Taco Bell.
5. Ask your neighbor if they need any help.
6. Say "Hmmm...how
about that...more floaters than sinkers."
7. Drop "used" toilet paper into your neighbor's stall and
then retrieve it.
8. Two words: Fart Spray.
9. Run into the stall quickly and spill creamed corn on the
floor while making vomiting noises...then apologize to your neighbor and leave.
10. Imagine what you can do with
chocolate pudding.
11. TP the entire restroom.
12. Say "Interesting...I don't remember eating that."
13. Grease the toilet seats.
14. Replace the liquid soap with salad dressing.
15. Spray a water
bottle full of Mountain Dew all over the floor and then say "Oops! My bad!"
16. Knock on stall doors and
ask people if they're almost done.
17. Crawl underneath all of the stalls while saying "Don't mind me...I'm
just passing through."
18. Flood the sinks.
19. Go into the men's room dressed like a man and come
out of it as a woman.
20. Peer into the toilet and say "Cool! I don't remember swallowing a quarter!"
21. Shave your head.
22. Take a bath in the sinks.
23. Say "Damn, I knew that wouldn't go down.
Now what am I gonna do?"
24. Write your friends' phone numbers on the walls of the stalls.
25. Poop
in the urinals.
26. Bring your laundry into the restroom and wash your clothes in the toilet.
27. Hand out
bathroom reading materials.
28. Ask your neighbor if he has any Ex-Lax.
29. Leave you dirty underwear lying
on the floor.
30. Hand people paper towels and then wait for them to tip you.
31. Discuss the different
variations of poop which you have seen over the years with your neighbor.
32. Replace the rolls of toilet paper with
rolls of sandpaper.
33. Say "Oops! I don't think I should have done that."
34. Tell people that
the sinks aren't working and offer to spit on their hands for them.
35. Pluck nose hairs.
36. Sit in the
stall and pretend to do drugs.
37. Empty the contents of your nose into a wad of toilet paper and ask your neighbor
if he would like to see it.
38. Tell people they need to get out because they're closing down the restroom.
39. Pretend to leave and then laugh when the person in the stall lets out the fart that they had been holding in.
40. Look over the top of the stall, look down and say "Ewww, that's a big one."
41. Ask your neighbor
what he prefers to do when he is constipated.
42. Drop a marble on the floor and say "Oh no, my glass eye!"
43. Dont flush the toilet.
44. Ask your neighbor to help you identify exactly what it was you ate for lunch.
45. Talk about the rash that you got the last time you used a public bathroom.
46. Ask your neighbor if
he thinks you should see the doctor when you show him the green poop in the toilet.
47. Tell your neighbor how much
you hate it when you get a bunch of poop on your hands.
48. Reverse the HOT and COLD faucet handles.
49.
Knock on your neighbor's stall and tell him to be quiet because you need to concentrate.
50. Hang up this list in
as many stalls as you can!
On one of my rare shopping trips to the King of Prussia mall, I happened to find some clothing that
actually
fit me in delia*s. Upon spending money in their store, they rewarded me with a "free" little
book entitled "How2 Waste Time Brilliantly.
So I am going to post some of the fun activities
from this handy little book in hopes that someone will think
"Hey that sounds like fun" and go
out and have a rowdy good time with it. But remember, I didn't come up
with these ideas. I am borrowing
them from this delia*s book. Don't sue me.
*Pay the toll or bus fare for the person behind you.
*Name all the trees on your block.
*In your battle against boredom, beware
of cliches. They are booby traps designed to fry our brains with worn-out,
meaningless proverbs. The next
time someone assaults your sanity with a cliche, fight fire with fire by inventing one
that's even more
ridiculous. If someone tells you "The early bird gets the worm," respond with "Yes, but the ink never
dries if your pen is filled with lard." Try to say it with a straight face.
*Write a letter
to your future self. Don't read it again for five years.
*Carve a block of cheese to look like a
bar of soap.
*Have fun with food coloring. Make a delicious meal for your family, but dye it unsettling
colors. Pink mashed
potatoes! Green macaroni and cheese! Finish off with a black dessert.
*Choose a song and "translate" the lyrics, word by word, into their opposite. For instance, "You are my sunshine"
would become "I ain't your darkness." Make sure the new words fit the old rythmn and start singing.
*Leave a flower on every mailbox you see today.
*Invent your own language.
*Enlist your friends to help you pread new slang words. See how long they take to catch on. Experiment
with different
sorts of words (insulting, complimentary, words that describe emotions, complete nonsense).
See if certain types of
words spread faster than others.
*Follow one of your friends
around all day. Make sure you're not spotted. Go home and write a detailed surveillance
report of her activities.
The next day, casually mention one or two of the things she did. If she asks how you know,
hand her a copy
of the report.
*Fill strangers with hope! Draw a map that will lead them to a buried treasure. Leave
your map in a place where it
will take a little while before anyone finds it, like under a lamp in a hotel
room (which is one way to apss time during
those family vacations) or hidden in a book at the library.
Don't dash their hopes: really leave something for them to
find at the end of your trail.
*Start sing-alongs at inappropriate moments.
*Cover your bedroom walls with shag carpeting.
*Leave funny fortunes folded in the coin return slots of payphones.
*Call your
parents and tell them you've joined the circus.
*Gather a bunch of friends in a completely dark room.
Give each one of them a disposable camera and let them start
shooting. Let chaos rule or take turns. You'll
get a momentary glimpse (flash!) and a permanent record of what your
pals do when the lights go out, not
to mention some great art!
*Does someone make you wait in the car a lot? Retaliate and entertain
yourself at the same time! With the car engine
off, fill the driverside air conditioning/heating vents
with confetti. Point the vents toward your intended victim and
switch the fan to its highest setting. Sit
back and watch what happens when she turns the key.
*Call a friend and tell her she's won a lifetime
supply of salamanders.
*Instead of the old, bucket-of-water-over-the-door trick (which can hurt someone,
ruin clothing and get you in BIG
trouble), use a paper bag filled with popcorn, glitter or ping pong balls.
Tape the bottom of the bag to the top of the
door so it spills on whomever enters.
*Wear your bathing suit under everything, "Just in case."
*Dress your dog up and take him
to the prom as your date.
*Hand out flyers for fake events.
*Develop a really
annoying habit.
*Do you write checks? Never leave the "memo" section blank. It's the perfect
place to write cryptic messages,
fortunes, trivia questions or anything else you want. Send cheerful notes
to utility companies like "Love your gas!" or
"You brighten my day!"
*Fill the bathtub with saltwater and pretend it's the ocean.
*Replace all the nouns in a story with
the names of colors and read it aloud.
*Do a search on the internet and find as many people as you
can who share your name. Email them all. Ask for their
life stories. Do you all have anything in common
besides your name?
*Choose a new name for yourself and insist everyone use it. When you've succeeded,
choose a new one and repeat
the process. See how many names you can cylce through before people get fed
up.
*Enervated? Suffering from ennui and lassitude? Spend an afternoon looking up all those annoying
SAT test
vocabulary words whose meanings you've never been sure about. Start using them in you regular
conversations.
Anyone who understands what you're saying will admire your perspicacity.
*Start a completely false rumor about yourself. See how fast it spreads and if details mutate as it gets passed
along.
After you reveal it was a hoax, talk to people and try to trace the path your fabrication traveled
as it spread. Who told
whom? Draw a rumor map and see who's the biggest gossip.
*Always bring two dates...in case one turns out to be boring.
*Spend a day laughing every hour
on the hour.
*Cut a photograph into jigsaw-puzzle pieces. Anonymously mail one piece to each of your
friends (or any groups of
people who know one another). See if they manage to figure out that they all
got one and put the pieces together.
*Open every door, cabinet, closet and drawer in your house.
Wait for someone to come home. Pretend not to notice.
*Learn to play the drums...loudly.
*Pretend you're famous. Always ride in the back of the car and don't get out until someone opens the door for
you.
Say "ciao" a lot. Wear big sunglasses, dress extravagantly and always ask for the best tables...even
at diners and fast
food joints. Carry your dog everywhere. Have a hairdo. Call celebrities by their first
names.
*Leave messages, poems and manifestos everywhere. Fold them up and slip them into the coin
return slots of
payphones and vending machines. Remove napkins from dispensers in restaurants, write notes
and fortunes on two
or three and then neatly replace them. Drop notes into people's bags at the mall. Hand
them out on street corners.
*Give someone a jolt of the unexpected by secretly putting a common object
in the freezer. Take it out just before
your experimental subject is likely to use it. Watch his face as
his brain tries to process the fact that whatever it is (the
newspaper, a pair of shoes, a toothbrush)
is ice cold.
*Mail an anonymous poem to someone.
*Learn to speak esperanto.
*Write your name or a short message on your lawn with fertilizer. Water thoroughly. The grass where
you put
fertilizer will eventually be greener and healthier than the rest of the lawn.
*Tired of lame, boring television shows? Use your "record" and "Stop" buttons on your VCR to
splice together your
own personalized TV series, using fragments from a dozen different programs. Mix reality
cop shows with Saturday
morning cartoons or the news with one of those weird infomercials. Music videos
work especially well.
*Call yourself on your cell phone from a regular phone. Whisper secrets.
*Choose some attribute of a particular animal and adopt it for a week.
*Wear clothes
that are all one color. Only eat food of the same hue. Mention the color in as many conversations as
possible.
Become your color. Be green with envy. Start seeing red. Talk a blue streak.
*Become a one-girl complaint
department. Put a suggestion box on street corners, in your school, at bus stops, on
your front porch.
They should look as "official" as possible. Empty them out every week and see what people have to
say. Make a complaint book. If you like someone's suggestion, try to implement it.
*Plant flowers.
Name each one. Have weekly birthday parties for them. Invite your friends.
*Choose a word and try
to use it as much as possible today.
*Plan a road trip where you visit towns with weird names. Head
to Stinking Bay, AK, or Knockemstiff, OH. Take a sad
drive across Alabama from Hopeful to Loveless. Or
plan a massive voyage that will take you from Noseville, NY
through Elbow, IL, and Kneeland, WI, all the
way to HEady, MO. Be sure to steer clear of Accident, MD and Panic, PA.
Write an itinerary of your trip
and send it to friends and family.
*Make up reasons to throw parties like "A baby shower for
my hampster."
*Don't use a mirror today. Look in other people's faces and imagine what they
see.
*Hand out a stack of self-addressed stamped postcards. One one side, print a simple instruction
like "Draw a
self-portrait" or "Describe your favorite person." Send some to famous
people or politicians (soften them up by telling
them it's for a school project). Keep a scrapbook of what
people mail back to you.
*Always carry a black felt-tip pen and a bottle of correction fluid. Whenever
you're stuck in a waiting room, pass the
time by "revising" one of the newspapers or magazines
that are lying around. Use your pen to black out words in
articles until the remaining words form your
very own poem. Use the correction fluid to white-out the dialog in comics
and replace it with something
funnier (to you at least).
*Take up an unusual hobby like taxidermy or lion taming.
*Start a new national holiday. Make greeting cards for it and send them out every year. Write it on people's
calendars. See how many people you can get to celebrate it...and then try to get the day off from school.
*Wear two different shoes.
*Send a message in a bottle via a helium balloon.
*Tape the TV news in August. Play it back in the winter during a snowstorm. Act very excited and call
your family into
the room when the weather report comes on. Convince them that the weird weather must have
something to do with
global warming.
*Invite two friends over. Before the get
there, write a script of the conversation the three of you will have. Make three
copies and hand them out
when they arive. One way to write your little drama is to have it start out as a normal
conversation that
gradually gets more and more ridiculous. Don't forget to include actions ("Natasha grabs a pillow
and wears it on her head defiantly"). Invent over-the-top soap-opera narratives. Turn your friends (and yourself) into
totally new characters.
*See how any movies you can squeeze into one weekend.
Eat only popcorn.
*Count all your teeth with your tongue.
*Send anonymous
invitations to all your friends to meet at some creepy outdoor spot just before sundown (the woods,
the
cemetery gates, on the lawn of that old, abandoned house). Watch everyone nervously decide whether or not
they should show up. Reward the brave ones by having the fixings for a late-night picnic hidden somewhere near the
meeting place. Break the goodies out after everyone sweats through a few minutes of darkness.
*Act so nice that you make everyone sick.
*Carpet your room with astroturf.
*Invent your own political party and run for mayor. Come up with a list of campaign promises. Send out press
releases with fake endorsements from fake organizations. Hang posters. Make speeches. Get on the news...In
the
middle of the campaign, expose yourself in an extravagant (and equally fake) scandal.
*Go backpacking through your house. Roast marshmallows on the stove.
*Change the time
on every clock you see.
*Write warm, personal thank-you notes all the time. Give them to fast food
workers, bus drivers, the paperboy, your
dentist, the guy who reads your meter.
*Keep an audio-diary by recording your thoughts on tape.
*Move all the house plants into the bathroom.
Fill the room with shower steam. Pretend you're in the jungle. Dress
appropriately.
*Pretend you've forgotten the difference between nouns and verbs.
*Learn morse code and use
your fork to send secret messages during dinner.
*Start collecting something really gross like used
chewing gum.
*Study the second law of thermodynamics...then figure out how to deny it.
*Have nice, long conversations with telemarketers. Be extra friendly and keep them on the phone for as long
as
possible. Make them laugh. At some point, pretend to put them on hold and keep repeating, "All
of our customers are
with other telemarketers right now. Your call is important to us, so please stay on
the line." Before you hang up, ask
for their home phone number so you can chat later.
*Print up little cards with silly sayings to hand out to people on the street. Some possibilities: "Play
Nice," "Life is
grand. Pass it on," and "You don't know me." Make a special batch
for people who try to hand you flyers: "I'm sorry. I
cannot accept flyers or leaflets at this time.
Have a nice day."
*Record the sound of something that makes you happy. Play it back when you're
sad.
*Start a band with a goofy name like Communist Love Child, Your Mom Ate My Homework, Ritual
Tension, or
Exposure of Reality Auto Club.
*Write a pretty song about something
disgusting.
*Write a fast song about napping. Write a silly song about butterflies.
*Record a cricket chirping. Play the tape from a hidden location and drive people crazy.
*Locate your house on a real old map.
*Wrap up some part of your body with bandages. Whenever
you're asked what happened, make up a good story.
Give everyone a different cause for your "injury"
and see how long it takes for people to catch on.
*Mail small, unusual objects to all your friends
(green marbles, a photo of your favorite hang-out with a cryptic
message on the back, three french fries).
Be sure to mail one of these mysterious packages to yourself, so you can
pretend to be as baffled as everyone
else when they're trying to figure out who's responsible for the weirdness.
*Write a series of random
directions ("Walk two blocks. Turn left. Pass two mailboxes and turn right." or "Drive
approximately
five miles on Interstate 95. Get off at next exit. Turn right at next traffic light.") Now choose an equally
random starting point, follow your instructions and see where you end up. Leave the directions there for someone
else to find.
*Pitch a tent in the living room. Sleep there and play a tape of
nature songs.
*Make a sculpture. Only allow people to view it through a telescope from far away.
*Secretly mow someone's lawn when they're not home.
*Carry an empty bag
around with you today. Ask various people you know to put something in the bag without
showing you what
it is. When you get home, study the contents carefully. Try to figure out who gave you each item.
Return
everything and see if you're right.
*Plant plastic tulips and real daisies in your garden.
*Write a long, personal letter to a total stranger. Tell her what a wonderful person she is, how much she
means to
you, that the world is a better place with her in it. When it comes to details, be very vague
so it's not obvious that you
have no idea what you're talking about. Sign it with a common name like Bob
or Mary and don't put a return address
on the envelope.
*Convince your little
sister to set up a lemonade stand in the snow.
*Have a big picnic in the middle of your school gymnasium.
*Adopt a gravesite! Go to your local cemetery and find a grave that looks like it's been neglected
for a while. Clean
the headstone, mow the grass, plant flowers. Think about who the dearly departed might
have been, what their life
was like, and why their grave has been forsaken. Get spooky and have a chat.
*Do some fast, easy redecorating. Turn all pictures in the house upside-down. Move an overstuffed
chair from the
living room into the kitchen. Cover windows with tin foil. Hang Christmas lights in the
bathroom. Replace all your
lamps with candles and flashlights.
*Apply for jobs
you don't want, but pretend to take the application process very seriously. Fill out all the forms as
strangely
as possible. Invent some weird personality quirks for the interview. If, for some unknown reason, you're
offered the job, decline politely and say you've decided to take a job with the CIA instead.
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