|
|
This I found in my college's newspaper. "Dr. Love returns: managing a dry spell"
Admit it, lately you've
been getting less play than a flat basketball.
You are, for lack of a better word, a loser. It's gotten so bad that
even your dog doesn't desire your once appealing leg.
Well, OK, not that bad, but pretty close.
Everything will
be fine. We've all been there before. In fact, it's a place more frequented than Disneyland, but deal with it. Whenever
we run into a dry spell, we're bound to strike oil again soon. It's all about how you deal with the time in between that
saves you from going insane.
So, here we go. Dr. Love presents "The Ultimate Guide to a Boring, Lonely Life."
Make it a "Blockbuster Night." Sure you're alone in your room, but that doesn't mean you can't catch up with
some friends from fantasyland. Go to the video store, rent a movie, and enjoy some people whose lives are just a tad bit
more entertaining than yours. But don't be foolish and rent some sappy romance like "Bridges of Madison County"
if you plan on making it through the night. Pick something like "Fight Club" or "The Godfather." Trust
me, romance is not the main priority of either film.
Call that friend of yours that you never plan on seeing again
for the rest of your life and hassle him about that $5 you lent him in fifth grade. That's sure to put a smile on your face.
Find some old pictures of yourself when you were going through those "awkward" years of adolescence. You'll
see that no matter what shape you're in now, you'll never be that bad off again.
Grab a pen and paper and just start
writing. Don't think about a thing that you're putting down on paper (kind of like what I'm doing here) and see what comes
out. Who knows, maybe you'll find the answer to your solitary life somewhere in those words.
But do us all a favor,
if the page comtains anything about a bomb scare or a hit list, please burn the paper and never ever do this exercise again.
And last but not least, crawl into a ball and cry like a baby because no one else is going to give you that much sympathy.
But do yourself some good and don't tell anyone at all about this because you need all the help you can get at this point.
Shooting yourself in the foot by saying you're a wuss doesn't constitute as help.
So there you have it, five easy
ways to pass time through your dry-as-the-Sahara love life. Your time will come soon, it's inevitable. At least keep telling
yourself that. That's it.
From Seventeen magazine (or Teen People, I forget which)
I love this article.
'toon 'tude: Lisa Simpson and Daria Morgendorffer are as real as it gets ~Torie Bosch
Who do girls want to be
like nowadays--Britney, Madonna, J.Lo? And what parts of these women are held in such high esteem? The shimmying hips? The
peekaboo belly button? The empowering fashion statements--you know, where skin beats out clothes two-to-one?
If I were
to name my role models, they would be Lisa Simpson and Daria Morgendorffer. So what if they're cartoons? They're more connected
to reality than those figures composed of perfected flesh and blood--and they set the bar higher, too. No one but Daria would
demand "a higher reward for maintaining excellence over time, perhaps with compound interest."
Ever wonder if
there's music beyond sugar-coated pop? Just listen as Lisa riffs on her sax--she's got a bad case of the blues. Can't figure
out how to talk to those jerky but gorgeous guys who don't know you're alive? When Daria converses with the football stud,
there's no simpering and eyelash-batting. She goes for the end zone--you can count on Daria to mock the BMOC to his face.
If only Christian Aguilera would be so bold!
But my cartoon chicks' most admirable attribute is their unending honesty.
Sometimes it seems like everyone--from the president to your principal--is lying. Corporations lie about the damage they
inflict on the environment. Parents lie when they say, "If you cross your eyes, your face will freeze that way."
(Not that I wish it were true, but...) Yet we never have to doubt the veracity of Lisa and Daria.
This isn't to say my
girls are perfect--but who is? Lisa's obsessed with teenybopper actors named Corey. Daria can't miss an episode of the intelligence-draining
"Sick Sad World." Lisa's a bit of a busybody, while Daria's caustic barbs are, um, kind of alienating. But even
these flaws stem from excellent qualities. Lisa cares a whle lot about everyone in her life, and Daria has a well-developed
sense of humor that sails over some people's heads. Their defects help them seem more real--not less. As the Barenaked Ladies
say, "Anyone perfect must be lying."
Most important, Lisa and Daria don't care about popularity for its own
sake, they care about being true to themselves. They're living (well, two-dimensional) embodiments of the credo that what's
right isn't always popular--and what's popular isn't always right. Hopefully, next time I'm tempted to act like a vapid adolescent,
I'll try to get real by being more like my cartoon idols instead. As Lisa once wisely said (quoting someone even wiser), "It's
better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt."
Amen, sister.
This is a Psychology opinion paper I wrote recently about the influence of today's pop culture on children. I could have
gone on all day with this topic but it is only supposed to be a two page paper.
Everywhere I look I see Britney
Spears, her clones, and the numerous boy bands plastered on magazine covers and featured on TV as the top music groups/singers.
And now Britney is marring the image of Pepsi and soon to follow, Christina Aguilera will forever destroy Coca-Cola by appearing
in commercials. Is nothing sacred? Obviously sex sells, but do these top-selling soft drink companies really need to stoop
so low as to have Spears strutting her half naked self to sell a drink? They know what we all know. Young children worship
these provocative people who are barely adults themselves and since children are prone to trying to be like their idols, they
will buy the drinks. Pop culture today has a huge influence on development.
Our culture is sexualizing our children
and then we wonder why so many young people have strayed from the straight and narrow. How can parents allow their little
girls to go out in public with their midriffs displayed for all the world to see? Where are the parents brains when their
little girl walks out the door with half her behind hanging out because her skirt is so short that nothing is left to the
imagination? I walk through the girls clothing departments and oftentimes I think that I have walked into the wardrobe of
one of todays latest pop sensations. Gone are the innocent frilly skirts and cute pink shirts. They have been replaced by
mini replicas of whatever Miss Spears or Christina has just been spotted wearing, or should I say, barely wearing. Less is
more, according to todays state of mind and the moronic parents buy into that, delving into their wallets to buy little Susie
a glittery scrap of cloth the size of a handkerchief.
The boys arent as big a problem as the girls. The boy bands,
from what I have seen, are nicely dressed in something from the Gap or Abercrombie. But what disturbs me are the music videos.
Sure these guys are dressed all nice but where is the clothing the women should be wearing? It seems that every boy band
music video has a female (or many females) in it who is hanging out of her clothes. These videos send the message that women
are just objects to be ogled. Forget about brains, go for chest size. And from I have seen of young teenage boys, they follow
this mind set. Then there are the rappers whose songs are lacking the horrid cheese and sap of the pop singers, but I say
give me the sap instead of what these songs promote. Bashing other people and all sorts of other fun stuff. And Im not just
referring to Eminem. No one seems to notice the content of other singers songs. Is it because the majority of the singers
are black and if any notice was bought to the songs it would be considered racist? But that is moving into the over-sensitivity
of our society, which is not the topic of this paper.
The pop culture of today is influencing young people no matter
how much people try to deny it. These children are being oversexed and flaunting their prepubescent bodies in ways that are
moving beyond indecent. Yet no one is trying to stop this. It just keeps going and going like that pink Energizer bunny.
With the way things are progressing, our society will soon be a nudist colony. The obvious cons of this influential pop
culture are the dress code and the way people view others. Respect for self and others has flown out the window right after
morals.
But there are some pros to be said about the pop culture. The first is, with all the females that are dominating
the charts, girl power is here (props to the Spice Girls from way back when). The majority of girls are definitely more confident
and I think that they are more aggressive as well, which can be both a bad thing and a good thing. Young people are more
outspoken about their feelings and beliefs, now that various pop stars have come forward with what they believe in.
The pop culture of today, in my opinion, is disgraceful. I have seen so many belly buttons and whatnot within the past months
that if I see one more, I am certain I will scream. The radio waves and televisions are being saturated with garbage that
is supposed to be music and I wonder how people can listen to it. What happened to the people with real talent, who actually
wrote their own songs and knew how to play at least one instrument? Theyre out of business, at least for a while, because
a lot of them are hardly pretty, wear clothing that covers everything, and dont/cant dance. They dont use sex to sell their
music. But who needs talent when youve got a pretty face and can squeeze into a size negative 10? I only hope that like
all decades, the pop culture of today will fade soon and wont reappear until the loop of fashion resurrects it in another
twenty years. This is one of the big ways that we can help todays youth jump back on that old bandwagon of morals and innocence.
This was written by Broch in eighth grade to me when I was absent one day, near the end of the school year I believe. So
this is May of 1996 I would assume:
Katie, you have created a worldwide catastrophe (I'll explain)....
....when
you come to school, your exact height, weight and mass balance out this exact point on the latitude and longitude lines above
the equator. Since you are at a different latitude and longitude point in the Northern Hemisphere above the equator, the
balance of gravitational pull is uneven because there is less needed here at school and more is needed at your house. It
would be okay if someone who was the same amount taller than the average height than you are smaller was absent and they were
located at the same distance that you are from school in the opposite direction parallel to you. Since that is not the case,
the equilateral balance is off track because of the gravitational pull. As a result, some poor person in South America who
is located at the same distance from the equator in the opposite direction, which is south of the equator, equally parallel
to you is presently at the moment being watched in awe as he is floating upside down, talking backwards, and moving in slow
motion. And somehow, as a result, an oriental girl who is 7 years, 6 months, 3 days, 22 hours, 5 minutes, 48 seconds old
is eating her teddy bear and in Australia, a koala is working as an engine carburetor engineer for the distribution of a new
line of Australian station wagons. NOW DO YOU SEE WHAT YOUVE DONE!?! I'm shocked and appalled.
I got this as an email quite a while ago, from whom, I do not know. But for some reason I got a kick out of it.
"Created
for you enjoyment by Nikon1026"
Skewed Logic
First off...
Pro is the opposite of con.
Then
progress is the opposite of congress.
Then constitution is the opposite of prostitution.
Then prostitutional is
the opposite of constitutional.
So unconstitutional is prostitutional and prostitution is unconstitutional.
Furthermore...
Learning brings knowledge.
Knowledge is power.
Power corrupts.
Therefore...
The nation's school systems
are looking to corrupt youth.
This corruption brings youth further from ignorance.
Ignorance is bliss.
So...
The nation's school systems are drawing their youth from their inalienable rights of "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit
of Happiness..."
That is unconstitutional.
Therefore...
Every member of the nation's school systems can
be arrested for prostitution.
But...
Pro means good and con means bad.
So prostitution is good and constitution
is bad.
Then the way that American government functions is bad.
American government is the opposite of Communist
government.
So Communism is good.
However...
If communism and prostitution are both opposites of the same thing
(Constitutional government), they must be synonyms.
That means Communism = prostitution.
Therefore all Communists
are prostitutes and all prostitutes are Communists.
But...
Most prostitutes and their clients use condoms.
The
"con" in condom and the "pro" in prostitute cancel each other out.
Therefore prostitutes cannot use
condoms. They must use the opposite of condom.
Prodom is the opposite of condom.
Since condoms are birth control,
prodems must be birth promotion.
Therefore all prostitutes have many children.
Also...
Parents raise their
children to their beliefs.
If all of the parents are prostitutes and Communists, there is a whole generation of skanky
little Communists running about.
These Communist children will grow to be the world leaders.
Therefore...
COMMUNISTS
ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD!!!!
|
|
|